Couples Counselling Melbourne and Bayside
In Couples Counselling your relationship is the client rather than the two of you as individuals.
Within a calm, welcoming environment I will support you to listen to one another and learn how to work together to resolve your relationship issues in a constructive way.
Frequently Asked Questions – Couples Counselling
When is the best time to start couples counselling?
There are many reasons why and when to start couples counselling. Here are a few:
1. If your relationship is in crisis – couples counselling can help to put out some fires and minimise further damage from occurring.
An important focus is setting some boundaries and working towards repair.
It’s then possible for a couple to find a broader perspective and insight into what needs to change to move forward.
2. If you feel like your relationship is stuck – couples counselling can help by amplifying your strengths and fine-tuning areas of growth.
Both of you are encouraged to look within yourselves to gain insight into how each of you can show healthier ways of relating.
Identifying what you both bring to the dynamics of your relationship and step out of negative cycles is an important aspect of becoming ‘unstuck’.
3. If you are about to reach a significant milestone – including marriage, anniversary, becoming parents, adult kids leaving home, change of careers etc.
Couples counselling can help your relationship be as strong as it can be adjusting to transitions in life.
How long do sessions last?
Sessions run for 50 mins. It is possible to arrange a 90 mins session.
Is there a minimum number of sessions?
Yes, the minimum is four sessions.
We usually begin with a joint session, followed by an individual session for each you. We then reconvene for another joint session.
Ideally, these sessions are completed over a 3 week period.
Based on these initial sessions I recommend a plan for moving forward, which typically includes ongoing couple sessions. There are tasks and skills we cover in session that you and your partner can work on in-between sessions.
If one of you request an additional individual session, the same opportunity will be offered to your partner.
Maintaining a balance is essential in couples counselling
Many couples experience the benefits of relationship counselling after just a few sessions.
However, establishing change generally requires regular sessions allowing you to apply the skills and insights from your sessions in real time as you navigate life’s ups and downs.
Attachment patterns and behaviours develop over you and your partner’s lifetimes. It can take time to explore, understand and work with them effectively together.
Your relationship work realistically will require time and consistent attention.
Do we come together or separately?
It’s important to attend the first session together, as the success of couples counselling relies on building trust and ensuring neutrality.
I start by hearing your story as a couple, followed by individual sessions for each of you before resuming joint sessions.
Occasionally, additional individual sessions may be beneficial, but I always strive to balance these to maintain fairness.
What if my partner doesn’t want to do couples counselling?
Here are a few suggestions.
- Talk to your partner that you understand their hesitation and share your disappointment, however you plan to go on your own to work on your contribution to the problem
- Become curious about their concerns and fears
- Propose alternatives. Have a look at products I have available that are self-paced and less intimidating than counselling
- Encourage them to call me and ask any questions about couples work
It can also help to explain that you’re interested in counselling because your relationship is important to you.
Reassure them that you both deserve to be in a loving, supportive relationship, and if professional support can help strengthen that connection, it’s worth exploring together.
You might also find it helpful to direct your partner to my website, including specific pages that outline what’s involved.
This can provide a clearer understanding and help spark meaningful conversations about taking this step as a couple.
I’m hesitant about coming. I know my partner is just going to blame me. What can I do about this?
Some partners who are unhappy, don’t feel heard or appreciated become blaming and critical. Being on the receiving end of blame can be dispiriting and disheartening.
Counselling is not the opportunity to judge and force change of behaviours.
It isn’t a place where one person is allowed to criticise and run down their partner at length.
That would be destructive and unproductive.
My focus is creating safety, helping you to express your hurt, pain and frustration and defuse any comments that are critical, blaming and defensive.
Blame, criticism, stonewalling and defensiveness are common negative patterns that show up in couples. One aim in counselling is to understand where these patterns are coming from, take responsibility for them and learn how to shift these reactions to more positive styles of communicating.
The aim is for you to be able to hear each other more easily and become closer.
The Benefits of Couples Counselling
- Increases your knowledge about yourself and your partner
- Helps you to understand and describe how you interact
- Teaches you how to break ineffective patterns and develop better ones
- Gives you both the confidence and insight into making your relationship work
Preparation for Your First Consultation
It’s always useful to spend some time preparing for couples therapy.
The following questions may guide you and your partner in preparation for your first session:
- What are your hopes and expectations of couple’s therapy?
- How would you describe the problems in your relationship right now?
- How do you see yourself contributing to these problems in your relationship?
- In what ways have you tried to solve or change these problems?
- How motivated are you to make this relationship work better?
- What kind of partner are you aspiring to be?
- What are your individual blocks to becoming the kind of partner you want to be?
- Are you open to looking at yourself in order to succeed in making changes?
The Relationships Page gives you more information.
My Role
I’m a male counsellor with the experience, background, training and qualifications to guide you and your partner to develop a more supportive relationship.
My role is to:
- Focus on your relationship
- Provide both of you with equal time, attention and understanding
- Help you to understand your own unique contributions to the problems in your relationship
- Encourage you to describe the negative patterns of communication
- Guide you in new ways to communicate and connect with each other
For more information download the Fact Sheet – Click this link below:
How to Get The Most Out of Couples Counselling
