A problem-solving mindset is normal and can be a great strength.

It’s a natural instinctive response to fix. 

 

But what if it keeps you stuck? Are there alternatives to fixing problems? 

 

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) a behavioural approach to change, uses values as a primary focus to dealing with challenges of life and relationships.

Values are defined as the guiding principles that give your life meaning and direction.

Unlike short-term goals or quick fixes, values are about:

Who you want to be and how you want to show up in every area of your life.

Focusing on problems instead of values can often lead to:

• Frustration
• Disconnection
• A sense of failure

 

By shifting focus to your values, you may create a life and relationship built on:

• Purpose
• Trust
• Emotional intimacy

 

What’s The Problem with Problem-Solving?

There is nothing inherently wrong with problem solving.

However, when you focus solely on fixing problems, you may be addressing symptoms, not the root cause.

For example:

If you’re feeling unfulfilled at work, you might try to fix it by changing jobs.

But without understanding your core values like: professional growth, fulfilling contribution and the balance of work/family, you risk ending up in the same cycle of dissatisfaction in another job.

The same applies to relationships.

If you and your partner argue about how much time you spend on your phone, you might try to fix it by setting screen-time limits.

But the deeper issue could be that your partner feels disconnected.

Without addressing the value of connection, the problem will keep resurfacing in different ways.

 

Why Values Matter?

Values are about the kind of person you want to be, not just what you want to achieve.

They guide your actions and help you stay aligned with what truly matters.

For instance:

• If you value presence, you’ll prioritise being emotionally available during conversations, whether with your partner, children, or colleagues.

 

• If you value respect, you’ll listen to others’ needs without judgment, fostering trust in both personal and professional relationships.

 

• If you value growth, you’ll seek opportunities to learn and improve, even when it’s uncomfortable.

 

Practical Steps to Shift from Problems to Values

 

1 – Identify Your Core Values

Ask yourself: What kind of person do I want to be? What do I stand for in my life and relationships?

Write down 3-5 values that resonate with you, such as trust, empathy, growth, or presence.

 

2 – Pause and Reflect
When a challenge arises, take a moment to reflect. Instead of jumping into problem-solving mode, ask yourself:

How can I act in line with my values right now?

For example, if you value connection, focus on listening rather than defending your point of view.

 

3 – Communicate Your Values
Share your values with the people in your life.

For example, say to your partner, “I value being present with you, so I want to focus on listening rather than fixing.”

Or at work, express, “I value growth, so I’m open to feedback to improve.”

 

4 – Align Your Daily Actions

Each day choose one small action that aligns your values.

It could be as simple as putting your phone away during family time to show presence, expressing gratitude, or taking a walk to honour your value of more physical balance.

 

Focusing on values instead of problems can act as a major shift for both your life and relationships.

The steps to clarifying values are designed to move you from:

• Frustration to purpose
• Fixing to growing

 

Living in alignment with your values may provide more possibilities to create a life and relationship that feel meaningful and fulfilling.