If you research the key factors in a healthy relationship you are likely to come across emotional connection.
On the pages of this website, and if you follow any of my socials, I pay a lot of attention to emotion skills.
But what about stoicism?
This blog takes a look at stoicism. Why is it important? Why it can be a problem in a relationship?
Oh, and provide some practical suggestions!
Defining Stoicism
1. A Philosophy
Stoicism is an ancient Greek philosophy that teaches the development of self-control and fortitude as a means of overcoming destructive emotions.
The philosophy holds that becoming a clear and unbiased thinker allows one to understand universal reason (logos).
2. A Modern Version
Stoicism today often refers to maintaining a calm and unemotional demeanour in the face of adversity.
It involves endurance, self-discipline, and the ability to remain unaffected by external circumstances.
Why Stoicism is Positive in Relationships
Stoicism plays an important part in a relationship.
- Resilience During Conflict – A stoic approach can help you stay calm and composed during conflicts. By not reacting impulsively, you can address issues more rationally.
- Emotional Stability – Stoicism can provide a stable emotional foundation, helping you to be a reliable and consistent partner.
Why Stoicism Can Be Problematic in Relationships
- Lack of Emotional Expression – An over-reliance on stoicism can lead to emotional suppression, making partners feel disconnected.
- Miscommunication – Stoicism might be misinterpreted as indifference or lack of empathy.
Like a lot of things in life, balance is the key.
However, many men make the mistake of putting on a stoic facade, hiding their true feelings to appear strong and unbreakable.
Why Do We Put On A Stoic Facade?
Men in general are taught that showing emotions is a sign of weakness and we learn to suppress feelings and present a tough exterior.
This belief is reinforced by cultural norms and media representations that value stoicism as a great strength in men.
Stoicism can then become a way to avoid vulnerability and maintain control which at times is necessary, yet it can actually harm your relationship.
The Impact on Relationships
Putting on a stoic facade can create significant emotional distance. If you hide your true feelings:
- Your partner may feel disconnected, unimportant, and frustrated.
- More conflict and misunderstandings
- A lack of intimacy
- Struggle to trust over time.
For a healthy relationship your partner also needs to see and understand the real you to feel truly connected.
Practical Steps – Letting Your Guard Down
If you lean more naturally in to remaining stoic at all times, the facade is hiding of your emotional experiences.
If you recognise that this is a problem for you and your relationship this style of connecting can be tweaked a little.
Try some of these steps:
- Become more aware of your emotions
Take time each day to reflect on how you’re feeling and why.
Journaling or speaking with a trusted friend can help you process your emotions.
- Communicate Openly
Share your feelings with your partner.
Start with small, manageable emotions and gradually open up about deeper feelings. Use phrases like, “I feel…” to express yourself clearly.
- Validate Your Partner
Show empathy and understanding of your partner’s feelings.
This not only strengthens your connection but also makes it easier for you to share your own emotions.
- Seek Support
Talk to a therapist or counsellor and learn some tools and strategies to help you express your emotions more effectively.
Professional guidance can be incredibly beneficial in breaking long-held habits.
- Be Patient:
Changing the way you express emotions takes time.
Be patient with yourself and your partner as you navigate this new territory together.
While stoicism can help maintain calm and stability in a relationship, overusing it may lead to emotional disconnection and miscommunication.
The trick is to strike a balance between resilience and emotional expression.
Breaking free from a stoic facade can foster deeper emotional connection and trust.
By practicing emotional awareness, communicating openly, and validating your partner’s feelings, you can create a more intimate and fulfilling relationship.
