Are you a peacemaker?
Peacemakers can be a source of great strength in relationships and a powerful force in managing conflict.
Peacemakers are good at:
- Diffusing tension by staying calm
- Reducing stress
- Fostering a sense of security
- Seeking solutions that are reasonable and fair
- Creating stability and a loving environment
However, whilst keeping the peace can be good for relationships, this is not the same as avoiding conflict all together!
Do you see yourself as a peacemaker? Or are you more of an avoider?
Conflict avoidant traits comes from a variety of factors.
- Gender or social expectations often discourage men in particular from expressing emotions and confronting issues directly.
- Some blokes have been taught to be the peacemaker to avoid what feels uncomfortable and keep the peace in a high conflict family.
- The belief that suppressing your feelings can keep things calm.
- Lack of conflict resolution skills.
- Fear of escalation of tension.
- Past experiences of conflict.
Avoidance can be problematic in a relationship.
The Impact
Avoiding conflict doesn’t necessarily ‘kill’ relationships but it can mean partners fall in to very difficult relationship patterns such as:
- Unresolved accumulating issues
- Suppressing personal needs
- Enabling negative behaviours
- Lack of communication
- Restricted personal and relationship Growth
- An inauthentic relationship
Avoiding conflict doesn’t solve problems; it merely hides them.
When issues are ignored, they don’t disappear.
Instead, they fester, creating deeper emotional wounds and lead to built-up resentment.
Over time, this can result in larger and more explosive arguments, damaging the trust and intimacy in your relationship.
Practical Steps to Address Conflict
1. Acknowledge the Issue
- Don’t ignore problems.
- Address them calmly and promptly to prevent them from escalating.
- Recognising the issue is the first step towards resolving it.
2. Communicate Openly
Use “I” statements to express your feelings without blaming your partner.
- Keep the conversation focused on your feelings and needs without making your partner defensive.
3. Stay Calm
- If emotions run high, take a short break to clear your mind.
- Practice deep breathing or go for a walk to regain your composure.
- Return to the conversation with a clearer perspective, ready to address the issue constructively.
4. Seek Solutions Together
- Approach conflicts as a team.
- Ask questions like “What can we do to resolve this?” or “How can we prevent this from happening again?”
- Create a collaborative approach.
Do you have an avoidant style of handling conflict?
