Is it true that men don’t do emotional conversations?
I’m not so sure that’s completely accurate, however, I do know many men who find emotional conversations very difficult and therefore many blokes who find it’s very easy to avoid these conversations.
Are you one of them?
This blog post will explore why this happens, the impact it has on relationships, and provide some practical steps to help you engage.
What does avoiding emotional conversations actually look like?
Here are some common ways to distract from emotional conversations.
1. Changing the Subject
When an emotional topic arises, some blokes quickly change the subject to something more neutral or less charged.
This deflection avoids the discomfort but can leave issues unresolved.
Example – If your partner starts talking about feeling neglected and you shift the conversation to plans for the weekend or a recent news story.
2. Minimising Emotions
Minimising or downplaying the significance of an emotional topic is an avoidance tactic.
Example – Responding to your partner’s sadness with, “It’s not that big of a deal,” or “You’re overthinking it.”
3. Using Humour
Humour can be a way to diffuse tension and steer away from serious emotional discussions. Humour can lighten the mood but it can also defer important conversations.
Example – Making a joke or a sarcastic comment when your partner tries to discuss feelings of anxiety or stress.
4. Withdrawing or Becoming Silent
Some men physically or emotionally withdraw when faced with emotional conversations. This includes becoming silent, leaving the room, or otherwise disengaging from a conversation.
Example: You clam up and not respond when your partner expresses their feelings, or you find an excuse to leave the room.
5. Focusing on Solutions Instead of Emotions
Many men are good problem-solvers and love to focus on fixing issues rather than addressing the emotions involved. This can sidestep emotional aspects of a conversation, leaving a partner feeling unheard.
Example – Responding to your partner’s frustrations with, “Here’s what you should do,” rather than acknowledging and discussing the feelings themselves.
6. Using Technology as a Distraction
Turning to your phone, computer, or other devices during an emotional conversation is a common way to avoid engagement. This distraction technique can signal disinterest and hinder meaningful communication.
Example – Checking emails or scrolling through social media when a partner tries to have a serious discussion about their relationship.
Recognise any of these in yourself? If so, do you know why you avoid?
Why do men tend to avoid?
In general men avoid emotional conversations because they feel uncomfortable and vulnerable.
It just seems easier to stay safe on surface-level more pragmatic talking.
The purpose of distractions are to avoid the perception of conflict and discomfort that can come with deeper more emotional discussions.
Of course, the opposite tends to occur as just one of a number of impacts on a relationship.
The Impact
Avoiding emotional conversations makes partners feel:
- Neglected
- Unheard
- Disconnected
- Frustrated
- Misunderstood
- Emotionally distant
The connection in a relationship will weaken over time unless patterns of avoidance can be broken.
Practical Steps to Emotional Conversations
- Give your complete and full attention. When your partner starts an emotional conversation stay present and engaged
- Use your empathy skills. Help your partner feel acknowledged and supported.
- Open up and share your own feelings. Emotional conversations are a two-way street.
- Ensure that your partner feels safe to express their emotions without fear of judgment or dismissal.
- Be patient. Building emotional intimacy takes time and practice.
Avoiding discomfort prevents growth and honest, open communication.
Engaging in emotional conversations builds a strong, healthy relationship.
