Emotions are confusing! And especially so for many blokes! 

Who taught you about emotions? 

Maybe you were lucky enough to have had parents or other caregivers that were/are highly attuned to you emotionally and acted as great guides to understanding your emotional life. 

For most men emotions can be difficult to navigate either in themselves and/or with the people they love. 

There are several reasons for this:

Expectations

Men often grow up with societal expectations that discourage the open expression of emotions.

Despite much more mental health awareness and education for boys, parents and men about the value of emotional intelligence, there are phrases like “man up” or “boys don’t cry”  that remain and can lead to internalised beliefs that showing emotions is a sign of weakness.

Lack of Emotional Education

Many men are not taught how to identify, understand, or express their emotions.

This lack of emotional education can result in confusion and difficulty in managing feelings.

Internalised Negative Patterns

Some blokes may develop negative patterns of thinking and feeling, such as self-criticism or avoidance of emotional expression, which can further complicate their emotional experiences.

Fear of Judgment

Men might fear being judged or misunderstood if they express their emotions, leading to a tendency to bottle up feelings or distract themselves from emotional experiences.

Barriers to Communication

Struggles with clear communication can make it difficult for men to express their emotions effectively, leading to feelings of frustration and disconnection.

Emotional Isolation

Without the skills to manage and express emotions, men can feel isolated and disconnected from their partners and loved ones, exacerbating feelings of confusion and emotional turmoil.

 

If you recognise yourself in any or all of these factors I want you to know that many men before you are addressing these factors. 

They are:

• Developing greater emotional intelligence
• Improving communication skills
• Gaining clarity on their emotions
• Managing conflict more skilfully
• Building more connected and fulfilling relationships

 

Emotional confusion is a common yet often overlooked challenge that many men face. 

It can leave you feeling:

• Overwhelmed
• Irritable
• Isolated
• Misunderstood
• Distant

 

Understanding the causes of emotional confusion and its impact on you and your relationships is the first step towards overcoming it.

 

Causes of Emotional Confusion

There are many blokes out there in the world that rely on a perception that being stoic is the best way to cope. However, often this leads to the expectation that stoicism means a reliance on being unemotional.

What can follow is a tendency then to suppress feelings.

Suppression works in the short term, until the art of suppression becomes overwhelming in itself and creates more confusion! 

Additionally, if you have past traumas or unresolved issues this can create a complex web of emotions that are difficult to untangle. 

Look out for any internalised beliefs, such as the notion that expressing emotions is a sign of weakness. This can further complicate the ability to understand and articulate feelings.

Impact on Relationships

When emotions are not clearly understood or expressed, it can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts in couples.

Emotional confusion can cause partners to withdraw, become irritable, or react in ways that are not aligned with your true feelings.

This can create a cycle of disconnection and frustration, making it difficult to build and maintain healthy, fulfilling relationships.

Strategies to Identify and Express Emotions

There is a lot of research out there of evidenced based practices, strategies or activities that can be learnt at any age or stage of life. 

Here are a few: 

Mindfulness

Mindfulness involves being present in the moment and observing your thoughts and feelings without judgment.

This practice can help you become more aware of your emotions and understand them better.

 

Writing

Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a powerful tool for self-reflection.

Journaling allows you to explore your emotions in a safe and private space.

Try to write regularly, focusing on what you are feeling and why. Over time, this practice can help you identify patterns and gain clarity.

 

Professional Consultations

Sometimes, it can be challenging to navigate emotional confusion on your own.

Seeking the help of a counsellor or therapist can provide you with the support and guidance you need.

A professional can help you explore the root causes of your emotional confusion and develop strategies to manage it effectively.

 

Talk More 

Open communication is key to building strong relationships. Practice expressing your emotions clearly and honestly with your partner, friends, or family.

Use “I” statements to take ownership of your feelings and avoid placing blame.

 

Develop Emotional Vocabulary

Expanding your emotional vocabulary can help you articulate your feelings more accurately.

Learn to identify and name different emotions, such as anger, sadness, joy, or frustration. There a number of Emotion Language tools out there. 

This can make it easier to communicate your emotional state to others.         

 

Navigating emotional confusion requires patience and self-compassion.

By understanding the causes of your emotional confusion and its impact on relationships, and by implementing practical strategies to identify and express your emotions, you can build stronger, more fulfilling connections.

Remember, expressing your emotions is not a sign of weakness but a testament to your emotional intelligence and strength.