Why on earth would you want to experience difficult feelings?
It’s a good question!
Many men have been conditioned to avoid uncomfortable emotions.
Whether it’s anger, sadness, fear, or even vulnerability.
We often push these feelings aside, hoping they’ll disappear.
There’s even more pressure these days when we are surrounded by messages and images to live our best lives punctuated by social media posts of happy families, relationships, successful careers and fit and healthy bodies!
The tendency to avoid or suppress difficult emotions rather than face them is often called Experiential Avoidance.
While it might feel like the right thing to do in the moment, this habit doesn’t make emotions go away. Instead, it buries them, only for them to resurface in ways that create disconnection and conflict.
Experiential avoidance can feel like:
- Emotional Numbness
- Overthinking and Worry
- Self-Judgment
- Avoidance of Challenges
- Moodiness and Irritability
- Stuck
- Disconnection
- Communication Struggles
- Fear and Uncertainty
- Awkwardness
- Conflict Avoidance
- Unfulfilled Needs
- A shield or a barrier
Some specific examples:
- Avoiding sadness – might lead to emotional withdrawal, leaving your partner feeling shut out.
- Avoiding fear – might result in defensiveness or over-controlling behaviour, creating tension in your relationship.
- Avoiding vulnerability – might make it hard to express love or ask for support, leaving both you and your partner feeling isolated.
By learning to face your emotions, you can transform not only your relationships but also your sense of self.
Here’s how:
1. Notice
The first step – pay attention to the ways you avoid emotions.
Do you distract yourself with work, social media, or alcohol?
Do you shut down or change the subject when conversations get uncomfortable?
Recognising these patterns is key to breaking them.
2. Name
Once you notice avoidance, pause and identify what you’re feeling.
For example, if you’re avoiding a tough conversation with your partner, ask yourself:
“Am I feeling fear of being judged? Am I worried about being misunderstood?”
Naming the emotion helps you take control of it.
3. Allow
Remind yourself – It’s okay to feel uncomfortable emotions they’re a natural part of life.
Instead of pushing them away, sit with them.
For example, if you’re feeling sad, take a moment to acknowledge it:
“I feel sad because I ….”
The act of acceptance can reduce the intensity of the emotion.
4. Share
Share your feelings with your partner in a calm and open way.
For instance, instead of avoiding a conversation about a recent argument, you might say,
“I’ve been feeling distant since our disagreement and I’d like to talk about it.”
5. Take action
Facing emotions doesn’t mean you have to tackle everything at once.
Start small.
If you’ve been avoiding expressing gratitude, try saying, “I really appreciate how supportive you’ve been lately.”
Small moments of connection can build trust and intimacy over time.
Why This Matters
When you stop avoiding emotions and start engaging with them, you may notice profound changes in your mental health and your relationships.
There’s a possibility to feel:
- More present and connected to yourself and others
- More confident in expressing yourself
- Better at creating space for understanding, growth and deeper intimacy.
This can only be a good thing – right?
