New year’s resolutions often fail often due to psychological traps.
Instead of setting resolutions I encourage you to consider some key questions to evaluate 2025 and set meaningful intentions for 2026.
These questions allow you to:
- Focus on core values
- Release unnecessary burdens
- Set healthy boundaries
- Live more authentically
- Confront your fears
- Reduce Avoidance
This final episode of the year provides insights on how to start the new year with a renewed, intentional mindset.
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TRANSCRIPT
Speaker A: My New Year’s resolution is to stop procrastinating, and I’ve decided I’m going to start tomorrow. Now, New Year’s resolutions often fail due to psychological traps, including the Fresh Start Fallacy, where we believe the calendar date itself almost helps us to magically change our lives and become a new person.
Or False Hope Syndrome, where we overestimate our motivation and discipline, leading to overly ambitious goals that become overwhelming.
Now, this time of year is certainly worth the time to reflect on what 2025 was all about for you and your hopes for 2026.
So instead of resolutions, here are seven questions designed for just that.
Just to take stock welcome to mantalk, a podcast of real conversations about life, your life, our life, and the emotional well being of men.
My name is Howard Todd Collins. I’m the Director of Men and Relationships Counselling. Thank you.
Here, sit back and relax and join me for the last episode of 2025.
Welcome to ManTalk.
Welcome to the final episode of 2025. It’s a time of year where it’s very difficult not to get caught up in the mad rush as the year draws to an end.
So I hope wherever you are, that you are able to slow down a bit and get some rest and if you’re one of the many people that are working through the holiday period, that you can also grab moments of time where you can also rest and relax.
A big thank you for your support for this podcast.
We’ve been going now for over two years. Many of you have reached out and told me how much you enjoy listening and in particular that you’ve been learning a lot about yourself.
And a lot of people have given me some great feedback about the conversations I’ve been having with Ryan over the last few months or so. There will be more of those in the new year and hopefully there’ll be more conversations and interviews with other people as well.
Now, this episode is also a little bit different. Each segment has a particular question designed for you to be reflecting upon the year. As you would have heard from my earlier intro, I’m not a big fan of New Year’s resolutions, but I am a big fan of taking stock at the end of a year.
And this is the episode that’s designed to get you to start thinking a bit about the kind of year you’ve had and what that means for you, but also how you can take whatever you’ve learned into the new year, but also maybe aspects of the year that you can leave and discard and leave it in the past.
Now, my suggestion is as you listen to this, is to take some time to stop and pause and take some notes.
And you may then use that as a bit of a guide as you enter 2026.
The first question I want to focus on is really focusing in on what really matters to you.
You know, it’s easy to get caught up in the busyness of life if you look back at the year that you’ look at all the work deadlines or the projects you’re involved with, or your family commitments, or the social obligations, or, you know, if you’re a parent, maybe all those extracurricular activities that your kids demand of you or the school community demand of you, or, you know, if you’ve got family overseas or if you’ve got extended family demands going on around you, it’s very easy just to get caught up in the busyness of the world that you live in.
But when you look back at the year you’ve had, I want you to think about what really stands out for you.
If you look back at the last 12 months is it the big achievements you’ve had, or is it the small,
quieter moments you’ve had? It could be, you know, maybe you were lucky enough to get a promotion at work, or you changed jobs, or you completed some kind of educational course and you qualified.
Great achievements. Are those the ones that stand out for you the most? Or are they conversations you’ve had with a friend,or you’ve discovered a new part of the country that you’re living in?
Or was it the moments over a family dinner where you had a great conversation about something really important?
These are all moments that have happened in the last 12 months that I want you to be just spending a bit of time with of what really stands out for you.
The reason why asking yourself this question, what really mattered, is that it gets you to think about your core values.
Whatever they have been this year will help you to look at the year ahead with some intention.
So, for example, if you realize the last 12 months or so you’ve not been connecting enough with your friendships that you realize that you’re missing out on something, then take that core value of your friendships and take that into the new year.
If you realize that actually your job, whilst it’s important, but not the most important thing for you,
but your time outside of work is important to you, then start thinking about the year ahead,
about what you’re doing with time outside of your job. If your job is highly demanding of you,
these are really important questions to be thinking about.
At the same time, you know, it’s very easy for most people that I know to look back at the year and realize how many hours we’ve spent scrolling on our phone or on the screen or on the tv.
These are all natural parts of the way we live our lives, but they are also incredibly time consuming.
So as you reflect on what has mattered the most,you may realize that you’ve been really connected with your values. You may also realize that you have some regrets about the year.
Now, I want you to not spend too much time worrying about the regrets, because that is normal. But I do want you to realign your values as you bring in the New year.
And maybe as you finish this segment, take some time to write some notes about the people and the experiences that have mattered to you the most and how that will guide your intention for the new year.
The second question for you to think about is this one.
What are you holding onto that feels heavy or unhelpful or is not aligned with your values? Now, we all carry things.
Old grudges or outdated beliefs or certain habits that really don’t serve us anymore. Now, sometimes we can hold onto these habits for lots of reasons. We’re stuck.
We’re not sure how to change or we’re scared of making the changes.
But whatever it is that you’re carrying unnecessary weight about,it will drain your energy in some way and will maybe even stop you from living more authentically. Now, the benefit of this question, in a way, is it’s designed to encourage you to identify and maybe release what is holding you back.
For example, it could be that you’re being too hard on yourself about something that happened through the year. Could be at work, or you’re holding onto resentment in a relationship.
Or maybe you’re stuck in a routine of some kind that does not reflect who you are anymore. Now, here’s another example.
I’ve been working with a client of mine for the last few months or so. He was realizing he was holding on to this belief that he had to do everything for himself. Now, this actual belief meant that he was often overwhelmed and very stressed.
He was also often isolated in some way because he really believed that he couldn’t ask for help.
And finally, over a little bit of time, working out where this belief was coming from, but also how to renegotiate it in his own mind.
He started to let go of some of those beliefs, but also asking for more help.
And he felt lighter and in fact, more connected to the people in his life.
So just take a moment for yourself to consider this question what feels heavy in your life?
What can you let go of as you move into the new year?
And just think about this in terms of letting things go to free yourself up to move into the new year.
Now, what does healthy boundaries sound like to you? What does it actually mean when you look back at the year that you’ve had? Which boundaries have supported you the most and, and which need strengthening?
Now, healthy boundaries are really important because basically they help you to protect your time,
your energy and your emotional well being.
So as you think back at the year you’ve had, what kind of success have you had in managing boundaries and what needs to be changed?
Now, some of the classic boundary dilemmas that come into my conversations with people pretty much all the time is the boundary between work and home.
So if you’re checking emails after hours or you’re available by phone in the middle of dinner, these are some of the common dilemmas that happen amongst people who are working and do not know how to set the boundary properly.
And it stops them from being more present with the family or with their partner.
So the other classic example of some boundary setting that’s hard is this idea of saying no to things you know, no to social invitations or being involved in your community that can leave you exhausted if you end up doing too much.
And as you think about reflecting on the kind of boundaries you have, the healthier ones you have, the more you’re taking control over your own life. Strengthening boundaries will help you to avoid burnout.
It reduces resentment in relationships and in emotional well being,
and in some ways creates more space for doing things that matter to you the most.
I’ve got a couple of people, in fact, I’ve got more than a couple of people who are struggling to manage boundaries at work. And one classic one is this idea of taking a proper lunch break.
I’ve got a guy, I’ve got a couple of guys who try and have their sandwich in their office and the door’s always open and people are always interrupting him. He feels like he needs to be available all the time,even when he’s munching on his tuna sandwich or whatever it is he’s having for his lunch.
The idea is to be able to set clear limits. I mean, for him, it was quite literally closing the door.
Talking to the staff team about having a proper break and being unavailable for half an hour is absolutely fine.
One important part of this for you is to think about the year you’ve had.
Where did your boundaries serve you well and where did you feel stretched too thin or overwhelmed.
And use these insights to help you set healthier boundaries in 2026.
Many of these questions that I’m asking you kind of dovetail between each other.
They kind of cross over in so many ways. And this question that I have for you is a bit similar to the first three, but it’s a little bit depth to it.
I want you to think a bit about what you want more of in your day to day life in 2026. Now, this is not about fantasy or creating an ideal.
It’s kind of thinking about or envisioning the life you want to have in your day to day in the new year. Now, you know these questions I’ve asked you already are about time and what matters to you the most.
And if you’re going to make more space for yourself, what would you be doing?
So this is a bit similar.
Do you want more time for deeper connection with the person you love in your life or with your kids or both?
Do you want more time that’s more quiet, peaceful time, or do you want to do more hobbies in some form?
It’s kind of identifying in some way something that sets you up with some intentions,
some intentional kind of ways of living in the world. So it’s very simple to think that we can go on autopilot a lot of the. And we do, and sometimes we need to. But the idea here is to get you to think about intentional living.
If you want more creativity, for example, carve some time out for that. Whether it be writing or painting or whatever it is that floats your boat. If you want more time for connection you need to make more time with your family, your friends or your partner.
There’s an aspect of this where at the end of most years, most people are tired,
need a break, and maybe that’s where you are at this moment in time, hopefully so that you can enjoy some downtime after a very busy year.
But I do want you to think a bit about this because if you start to imagine what could be different,
as opposed to keeping things the same.
The vision that you have for yourself for the new year, from my perspective, I want to encourage you is an intentional vision realistic?
But set your intentions and start to break that down into your day to day life as the new year begins.
This next question is a bit of a doozy and it’s an interesting one to think about because I reckon most of us have some kind of avoidance of some kind going on as we look back at the year that we’ve just had.
So the question really is what have you been avoiding because you’re scared?
And what is one thing that you can do to help you move forward?
Now, this requires a bit of honesty as well. Now, you may be lucky enough to have had the best year of your life where you’ve achieved everything and there’s a lot to celebrate.
And that is amazing. And I want you to celebrate every single moment of the year you’ve had.
But I also know that for most people, there is something that’s happened this year or that is a recurring thing that’s happening, where there is some part of you that’s a bit stuck with something or you’re avoiding something.
Fear is a natural part of our lives. Now maybe you’ve been avoiding a difficult conversation with your partner, or you’ve been avoiding changing career, or you’ve been avoiding looking after your health.
The benefit of facing up to your fears is where the growth lies. It’s where there is new possibilities.
I have many conversations with people, of course, in my work, counseling individuals and couples, where clearly people are stuck and they’ve been avoiding stuff because they’re scared. They’re scared to have a conversation, or they’re fearful of making the changes they so desperately need,
but they lose courage.
So I do want you to think about something then. For the last 12 months or so of your life so far,
what is it that you’ve been avoiding and what are the actions that you need to take?
You can make a list of things or of certain aspects of your life that you know you’ve been avoiding.
And what is the first step that will help you to face up to some of your fears?
Now here’s an unusual question. This is question number six.
My question for you. How have you treated yourself this year?
Now this is an unusual one because I’m getting you to think about your relationship with yourself.
This is about your internalized self. This is your self talk the way you feel about you.
This is about the patterns that help you.
Are you really good at looking after yourself? Are you good with self compassion when you’re struggling or are you too critical of yourself?
Understanding yourself in this context, this is the relationship you have with you is really useful because it actually sets the foundation for all other parts of your life, including other relationships with people that you care about.
So when you’re really good at self-acceptance or kindness to yourself, or you’re building your own resilience and confidence and you’re balancing all your emotions, this will empower you to show up more authentically for sure. But Also more positively in your relationship with other people.
So as you prepare for the new year that’s about to begin,
I want you to reflect on your relationship with yourself and how that can motivate you to set up all these other questions that we’ve been talking about today. Your own boundaries, your own self care, but your own personal growth and your own professional growth.
The most significant part of moving into a new year with intention is also the way that you self respect,
the way you feel about you.
So there’s the question for you.
How do you treat yourself?
What kind of internalized relationship do you have with you?
Maybe make some time to think about that. What is working for you?
What is not working for you?
And what do you need help with?
The final question that I want to spend a little bit of time getting you to think about as you enter the New year is how can you enter 2026 with more connection and less pressure?
Now, I know, as I’ve mentioned earlier in today’s podcast, that often the new year comes with high expectations and to some degree pressures to set goals or big goals for the new year ahead.
And that’s fine.
But I also want you to think about focusing on what connection means for yourself, how you connect with yourself,how you connect with people that are important in your life. Your partner, your kids,
your family, your friends, your work colleagues, your community.
The benefits of this is significant because what we know in the research around emotional wellbeing and mental health is that when we’re more connected with other humans,
we generally reduce stress, obviously with the right people.
So just for a moment, as you think about the new year, as opposed to making a long list of resolutions, just choose one or two meaningful intentions about what it means for you to connect.
Now, you may have done this already by the time you’ve gone through these last six questions that we’ve been looking at.
But as you do prepare yourself, just ask yourself what helps you feel connected?
And whatever that is, whatever those ingredients are that helps you feel connected.
How can you create more of that in the new year?
And remember, it’s not necessarily about a pressure to do more.
It’s about the focus of being connected to the present moment, but also with the people that you care about in your life.
Now, these seven questions that we’ve gone through in today’s episode of the ManTalk podcast, you can use this any time of the year. It doesn’t have to be something you do at the end of a year.
You could decide to give yourself six months and review them halfway through the year and just to check in and see where you are at.
So as a reminder, as a bit of a summary these are the seven questions that I want you to take into consideration as you say goodbye to 2025 and hopefully a big hello to 2026. The first question is what has actually mattered to you this year?
The second question is what are you holding onto that feels kind of heavy or unhelpful or is not aligned with your values? The third question is about your boundaries or so what boundaries have supported you the most this year and what needs strengthening?
The fourth question is about what you want more of in your day to day life in the New year. The fifth question is about avoidance.
If there’s anything going on that you’ve been avoiding because you’re scared and what is it or what is one thing that you can do to help yourself to move forward?
The sixth question is actually about the way you look at yourself. So it’s about your relationship with yourself,how have you treated yourself this year, your internal self talk and the way you feel about you. And the last question was all about,
as you enter the New Year,
I’ve asked you to consider what it means to have more connection in your life, what that means to you, what are the ingredients and how you can create more of that as the New Year begins to unfold.
A huge thank you for your listening today. I know that for most people it’s been a big year, including me, and there’s lots happening in the world.
A lot of it’s not great and a lot of it is really important to look after within yourselves, but also within the people that you care about. I hope you do take some rest as the end of 2025 is coming and I thank you again for your support.
If you want to let me know more about what you think about the podcast or if you’ve got some ideas for the future any topics that come your way, please you can email me at howard@menandrelationships.com if you want to follow me on Instagram @mantalkwithhoward. And a huge thank you again for listening.
Please take care of yourself and I look forward to speaking with you again in the new year.
