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vulnerability

Howard Todd-Collins

Grad.Dip.Couns.HS, M.Couns.HS, Counsellor/Psychotherapist, Consultant MACA Howard is the director and owner of Men and Relationships Counselling. He passionately believes that given the right space and environment, men open up and talk about their lives in a way that empowers them to take steps to change. He has a strong connection to the growth of men, with over 15 years experience in designing individual and group programs for men and fathers as well as facilitating human relations groups. Go to > http://menandrelationships.com.au/about-us/consultants/ and Learn About Our Consultants – What We Do And Why

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The Courage of Vulnerability – Sharing a Man’s Story

Living with vulnerability is part of being human. There is no getting around it.

However, many of us blokes try.

Some of the ways we avoid vulnerability include:

  • Controlling our emotions
  • Become distracted with work
  • Strive for material success
  • Pay all our attention on pragmatism
  • Heavily rely on physical attributes as measure of self esteem

What does vulnerability mean?

Many guys struggle for a meaningful definition of vulnerability. Meaningful, not in a formal dictionary kind of way but in a real life way.

Dr. Brene Brown, an american social researcher has done some amazing work on both shame and vulnerability. I highly recommend her TED Talks and Books.

In her book ‘Daring Greatly’ she defines vulnerability as:

‘Uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure’

For me it’s a grounded description of how life can sometimes challenge us. In her research she asked people to share their examples of vulnerability.

Here are some:

vulnerability

I imagine you have experienced some of these or similar in your life.

Brene Brown also asked participants to describe how it feels to be vulnerable.

  • Not sucking it up anymore

  • It’s where courage and fear meet

  • It’s taking off the mask and trusting the real me is not too disappointing

  • Sweaty palms and a racing heart

  • Scary, exciting. Terrifying and hopeful

  • Freedom and liberation

  • Taking off the straightjacket

  • Being all in

  • It’s like being naked on stage and hoping for applause not laughter

Stepping out and showing up

Men who open up to their vulnerability find relief and freedom. They step out of the dark and into the light.

One of the main ways of showing up is to tell your story.

There are a few ways of doing this. You can:

  • Talk with a professional
  • Open up to your partner and family
  • Speak frankly with mates or work colleagues
  • Write a blog post or a  book
  • Give a talk

One story in a million

Hang on! Giving a talk!

Sounds pretty radical to me!

Public speaking is high up there in the vulnerability stakes for pretty much everyone. However, I had the absolute privilege last year of attending a special event.

It was the graduation ceremony of Talk on Purpose a program run by The Slow School of Business here in Melbourne.

Talk on Purpose is an intensive program that coaches and guides people in how to present a talk (TED style).

On this particular evening each person had a deeply personal and meaningful story to share. There were men and women who had no experience of public speaking graduating from this 3 day coaching program.

It was a wonderful example of men and women working with their fear and vulnerability to help them show up, speak up and tell their story.

There were a number of men who took to the stage. What follows is Oliver’s brief story of his depression.

Telling your story is a wonderful way to grow personally, emotionally and professionally.

It takes the courage of vulnerability.

How do you show up when you’re vulnerable?

Howard Todd-Collins

Grad.Dip.Couns.HS, M.Couns.HS, Counsellor/Psychotherapist, Consultant MACA Howard is the director and owner of Men and Relationships Counselling. He passionately believes that given the right space and environment, men open up and talk about their lives in a way that empowers them to take steps to change. He has a strong connection to the growth of men, with over 15 years experience in designing individual and group programs for men and fathers as well as facilitating human relations groups. Go to > http://menandrelationships.com.au/about-us/consultants/ and Learn About Our Consultants – What We Do And Why

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Written by: Howard Todd-Collins

Howard Todd-Collins

Grad.Dip.Couns.HS, M.Couns.HS, Counsellor/Psychotherapist, Consultant MACA Howard is the director and owner of Men and Relationships Counselling. He passionately believes that given the right space and environment, men open up and talk about their lives in a way that empowers them to take steps to change. He has a strong connection to the growth of men, with over 15 years experience in designing individual and group programs for men and fathers as well as facilitating human relations groups. Go to > http://menandrelationships.com.au/about-us/consultants/ and Learn About Our Consultants – What We Do And Why

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