Many of us have an ‘internal voice’ in our head. It’s a kind of running commentary that narrates our experience of life.
It responds to the external events of the world as well as our inner world of thoughts and feelings.
Does that sound a little strange? Go with me on this!
The voice in our head will either help or hinder us.
I have heard hundreds of men speak about themselves in consistent tones. They are:
Many of us have dismissing dialogues with ourselves and others. It’s a gentle tone, a warm, caring voice that is great at logic.
Dismissing makes sense particularly because we haven’t got the time or energy to be more accepting of our thoughts and feelings .
The problem with dismissing is that it can minimise or reject our experience. And that can hurt!
Contrast dismissing statements with the second most common way men speak with themselves and they seem no big deal.
This is the voice that reminds us we are not measuring up or not doing it right. The critical voice can be dominant and pushy.
The dialogue contains harsh judgement, blame and creates overwhelming shame.
Our internal chatter may resemble the voices of:
When men are stressed or overwhelmed their dismissing voice tends to call them to action.
Men love being rational and practical! They tell themselves to:
Dismissing is powerfully distracting, massively de-stressing and unbelievably productive!
Criticism, of the constructive kind, can also be motivating and encouraging. However for this to work we need a particular focus on behaviour and outcome.
If we are to get good insight from constructive criticism we need to ensure we resist over personalising but give ourselves a heap of respect.
Dismissing can exacerbate mental and emotional health problems because they become brilliant avoidant techniques!
Possibly lots of times!
Criticism that’s harsh and self-punishing hurts us more because it creates more conflict and provides very little resolution.
Dismissing and Criticising triggers :
The impact can be devastating. Men in particular can:
Staying stuck in these inner dialogues create more ‘wounds’.