Valentines Day may be a good time to go beyond the commercial aspects of relationship satisfaction and delve a little deeper.
Relationship security is when each partner is able to offer a safe port of call in times of need. Each person provides a secure base where both can explore and develop his or her potential.
In a committed relationship a secure connection between you and your partner is established and preserved when you BOTH have a lived experience of responsiveness in times of need.
When we feel secure in our intimate relationship a deep psychological resource is created.
The power of this sense of security helps to create:
If both of you go out into the world feeling stronger, supported, cared for and more confident you are better equipped to deal with the ups and downs of daily life.
This spills over to benefit your children, colleagues and the community.
You can enhance the security in your relationship by supporting your partner to grow in the following ways:
The focus of relationship safety and security is heavily shaped by your emotional intelligence. In turn this shapes the depth of emotional intimacy which is how your relationship grows.
In an intimate relationship emotional intelligence is often described as a style of emotional attachment between partners.
Your attachment style will have been influenced by your early relationships with your parents, caregivers and subsequent adult partners.
Each and every one of us will have developed our own style of emotional attachment over the years.
This is why couples counselling is so powerful because it explores each partner’s style of attachment and how it supports relationship security.
The way in which you and your partner give each other support and comfort creates safety.
Here are some ways:
It may be that you’re holding on to hurt or anger and consequently this is getting in the way of moving forward?
In addition, maybe you struggle to see how your partner is attempting to connect with you?
Get some help to unpack some of these blocks to moving forward in your relationship.