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Howard Todd-Collins

Grad.Dip.Couns.HS, M.Couns.HS, Counsellor/Psychotherapist, Consultant MACA Howard is the director and owner of Men and Relationships Counselling. He passionately believes that given the right space and environment, men open up and talk about their lives in a way that empowers them to take steps to change. He has a strong connection to the growth of men, with over 15 years experience in designing individual and group programs for men and fathers as well as facilitating human relations groups. Go to > http://menandrelationships.com.au/about-us/consultants/ and Learn About Our Consultants – What We Do And Why

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10 Negative Thoughts Men Struggle To Let Go Of

Being able to let go of negative thinking sounds wonderful! Doesn’t it?

If we can resist getting caught up in thoughts that create unbending unhappiness our emotional health and wellbeing will be significantly improved.

Loosening our grip on destructive, limiting thoughts and feelings creates a more flexible, happier and relaxed mind.

Easier said than done!

What kind of negative thoughts are you holding on to?

Some of the most common thoughts or attitudes that hold men back create such misery and despair.

Here are 10 of them:

  1. BLAME

Holding on to grudges against significant people fosters critical attitudes, feeds negative judgement and enables us to be quick to find fault in others.

Blame heightens strong feelings of alienation, hostility and isolation.

  1. SELF CONTEMPT

These are the crippling negative feelings we have about ourselves. They can be self-ridiculing, self-loathing and self accusing.

Self contempt breeds both internalised anger and often fuels anger towards others.

  1. CLAIMS

These are expectations and demands on ourselves or others that make us feel ‘entitled’. They will often cause anguish and conflict. This is because there is too much weight of pressure attached to achieve.

Perfectionism is one example.

  1. SHOULDS

The continual pressure to be ‘correct’ in always doing the right thing, saying the right thing or thinking the right thing. All of which usually increases anxiety and fear.

How often have you thought you should always be happy, should be strong and be in control or should not get angry? Sometimes these are just too unrealistic.

  1. FEAR

These are the irrational fears that seem ‘silly’ but are scary to ignore or let go of for fear of something awful happening.

Some examples of irrational fears include, flying, driving, spiders, conflict, intimacy,  plus many more.

  1. THE PAST

Those good or bad memories that we cling on to including places, times, events or happenings but prevent us from living happily in the present.

“One problem with gazing too frequently into the past is that we may turn around to find the future has run out on us” (Michael Cibenko)

  1. THE FUTURE

Living with dreams of the future can induce fear because we just can’t control what happens. Over thinking the future also takes us away from being present in the hear and now.

  1. RELATIONSHIPS

These are those past or present relationships that are finished or ending. Including the ones that are current but destructive and all-consuming. These kinds of relationships slowly undermine confidence and self esteem.

  1. SECURITY

Being attached to different things, activities and rituals that give a false feeling of being secure but actually make us feel lifeless. If we over identify with career or work we can create a deep sense of insecurity especially in times of job uncertainty or poor work performance.

  1. HOPELESSNESS

A pervasive sense that forms a story in our mind that says “ It will never happen…”, What’s the point…. “It just doesn’t matter anyway”.

 

Whether it’s the past, present or the future you’re holding on to, acknowledging your tight hold on negative, limiting thoughts, combined with more realistic expectations of what you can influence will help you to move on.

Can you let go of negative thoughts and enjoy a greater sense of calm, peace and joy?

Or, are you holding on too tightly?

Maybe the time is right to seek some help?

Call now!

Howard Todd-Collins

Grad.Dip.Couns.HS, M.Couns.HS, Counsellor/Psychotherapist, Consultant MACA Howard is the director and owner of Men and Relationships Counselling. He passionately believes that given the right space and environment, men open up and talk about their lives in a way that empowers them to take steps to change. He has a strong connection to the growth of men, with over 15 years experience in designing individual and group programs for men and fathers as well as facilitating human relations groups. Go to > http://menandrelationships.com.au/about-us/consultants/ and Learn About Our Consultants – What We Do And Why

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Written by: Howard Todd-Collins

Howard Todd-Collins

Grad.Dip.Couns.HS, M.Couns.HS, Counsellor/Psychotherapist, Consultant MACA Howard is the director and owner of Men and Relationships Counselling. He passionately believes that given the right space and environment, men open up and talk about their lives in a way that empowers them to take steps to change. He has a strong connection to the growth of men, with over 15 years experience in designing individual and group programs for men and fathers as well as facilitating human relations groups. Go to > http://menandrelationships.com.au/about-us/consultants/ and Learn About Our Consultants – What We Do And Why

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