This sounds like a rather cynical view of men and relationships in general.
However, a startling statistic coming out of the research by relationship expert Dr John Gottman describes that, on average, a couple wait 6 years before seeking help!
That’s a long time!
When relationships get really stuck, most blokes, indeed, most partners, struggle to resist their desire to fix their partner or demand their partner fixes themselves!
This can lead to further conflict or at least keeping relationships stuck as partners become more and more defensive.
An obvious suggestion is to talk about your worries, thoughts and feelings with your partner.
“ I don’t have the time to talk. Our lives are so busy”
“ What on earth would I talk about? What would I say”
Inevitably the longer you wait, avoid or deny there is a problem, the likelihood is that things get worse.
The purpose of this first step is to help you reflect on what’s been lost and what could be gained or retrieved in re-establishing the kind of relationship you want.
Here are some examples of the kind of relationship partners want:
Here’s where it gets interesting!
Think for a moment about your communication style, emotional and physical needs and expectations. Do these help or hinder the kind of relationship you want.
How do you initiate ways to get close with your partner? Or are you waiting for them?
Here are some examples to consider.
Time to be honest with yourself! Make a list of your own.
All relationships are a work in progress, including yours!
Here are some examples of what kind of blocks can get in the way:
What are your blocks?
Expressions of love and appreciation are important to sustain in committed relationships.
Here are some examples:
List all the ways you show love and appreciation of your partner.
After completing the above questions, ask your partner to follow the same 4 steps.
Then create some uninterrupted time to discuss each of your responses.
It’s likely that you may need to talk more than once about your responses.
It’s a discussion that requires empathy, curiosity and care. It’s all about how your relationship can move forward.
Take the steps, and let me know how you go!